Get Your Elbows off the Table!

Good morning my readers,

Such a cozy rainy day , I am settled in with a hot cup of coffee, a cat snuggled up on my lap and of course more helpful information : )

I love to dine out, I love to dine in, I love to host friends over for dinner but what I can't stand is bad table manners. You do not have to be at a 5 star restaurant to pull out all the stops, it should just be part of your everyday  dining decorum. As my mom use to say " Tara if you do not make it habit and you act slovenly at home, when  you are out you will act the same way" so naturally I had to practice at home and a good habit takes 30 days to master and now I am a seasoned dining participant!

So here are a few friendly reminders when dining in or out:

• Sit up straight, do not hunch over your plate or the table
• Keep your elbows in and do not rest them on the table
• Spread your napkin over your lap when you are seated (large dinner napkins are half-folded and small napkins are opened full size)
• At the end of a meal, leave the napkin semi-folded to the right of your plate
• Do wait until all guests are served before you start eating
• Always start by using the silverware farthest from your plate and work your way in with each course

• Pass everything to the right
• Eat in small bites and slowly, no need to shovel the food in, and do not talk and chew

Here are some major DON'TS:

• DO NOT blow your nose in your napkin
• DO NOT reach in front of a person
• DO NOT help yourself from a dish first
• DO NOT blow on food to cool it or blow over your plate
• DO NOT crunch your crackers in your soup
• DO NOT leave your spoon in your coffee or tea, place it on the saucer next to the cup
• DO NOT stack your dishes
• DO NOT drink with food in your mouth

Now, I have to admit, occasionally I have strayed at home alone in front of the t.v watching a juicy movie while having a pig out session : ) but when hosting a dinner party, family gathering or dining out, these are the basic rules to follow. Happy dining and happy eating!

Tara

Tipping...No you don't do this to cows!

Hello my lovely mannerly readers!

I hope all the mothers had a wonderful Mother's Day! I was able to spend the day with both my maternal grandmother and my mother, we spent the day in the lovely town of Cape May, NJ taking in the sea air, the sounds of the waves and indulging in some food and window shopping.

We had dinner at a cute cafe and shared stories and laughter. My grandmother wanted to leave a tip, and naturally my father slipped me more money to leave on the table for our server : ) We are the customary 20% percent tippers and my grandmother is the depression era lady who will leave a nice tip and calculate it down to the penny.  Is she cheap? No, she just counts her pennies. But it got me thinking, " I wonder if people really know what a good tip is or what to tip" ..... so back home I went and came up with a little guideline.

Tipping Do's for Dining Out:

• Maitre d' - To secure a good table $5.
• Waiter/Waitress - 15-20% percent of the bill, I lean towards 20% and have been known to leave more if the waiter/waitress was exceptionally helpful and was able to make good recommendations. 
• Wine Steward - 10% of the wine bill.
• Coat Check - $1 per coat or item they are storing for you.
• Door Attendant - $1-2 for a taxi.
• Parking Valet - $1-2 per use, if you have a deluxe vehicle and want it parked out front, then $5.
• Bathroom Valet - $1.

I am NOT a math person and the idea of complex math makes me want to break out in hives! But here is a simple way to calculate the tip.....Chop the last number off the total on the bill and move the decimal point over one spot to the left...that will give you 10% percent of the bill. That is your starting point and from there you can figure the 15% or 20% percent. Simple! 

***Note, if you a large party dining, the establishment may automatically tack on a 15% percent grat on the bill***

Happy dining!

Tara

Business Attire Cheat Sheet

Hello my dear followers,

I have been absent and I apologize, so much going on! Vacation to San Fran, LOVED IT and a fun new chapter in my life has started...stay tuned for all the details : )

Recently,I have been observing some business attire and realized a Do's and Don'ts for men and women was very much needed.....so naturally I designed one.


Business Attire Do's & Don'ts MEN :

• DO wear you suit jacket when you conduct business outside the office, go to events and meet new clients. 
• DO make sure your shoes are polished and have good soles.
• DO wear a belt that matches your dress shoes, if your pants have loops then you wear a belt. 
• DO keep hair and nails neat and clean. Men you do need haircuts often to look polished and biting your nails and leaving them ragged is a no-no. Even if you work with your hands, please keep them neat. 
• DO wear appropriate jewelry, a watch and a wedding ring is sufficient. 
• DO NOT overpower your appearance with heavy cologne. 
• DO NOT wear short-sleeved shirts under your suit coat, showing a clean cuff is a must. 
• DO NOT wear a dark undershirt under your dress shirt, only white, no exceptions.  
• DO NOT wear ankle socks or light colored socks with a dark suite. 

Business Attire Do's & Don'ts for WOMEN:

• DO wear comfortable shoes ( no stilettos), a nice pump that is polished and has good soles and hosiery (nude or black) no textured or outlandish tights. 
• DO wear natural makeup.
• DO wear appropriate jewelry...diamond studs, a necklace, wedding band or engagement ring and a watch, nothing too over the top or trendy. 
• Do keep hair and nails neat and clean, trim off dead ends and keep nails short and painted either a light pink or neutral color, no red daggers!
• DO NOT overpower your appearance with too much perfume. 
• DO NOT wear elaborate hairstyles. 
• DO NOT wear jeans or casual slacks or mini skirts.

** note these do's and don'ts can change depending on the industry that you work in , for example, if you work in fashion, your outfit may be more expressive, but these tips are the basics and will keep you looking smart and neat**

Every man and woman should invest in one nice suit and shoes to match. Thankfully we have stores that cater to every budget. Make sure your clothes fit you well and sales people are there to help with measurements and invest in a good tailor. Sometimes the first impression is the only impression, so put your best foot forward!

Cheers!

Let me introduce myself......

Dear readers, 


Have you ever been at a party or event or any social setting in which you had to make introductions and completely forgot the rules to do so? I will let you in on a dirty little secret....I have! Many people fail at making introductions by simply not making them. 


It really is not hard to make introductions, I am enclosing my cheat sheet for you:

• Younger, lower- ranking individuals as well as men should be presented to older, higher-ranking individuals and to women first by saying the latter persons name. Ex. "Mr. Davis, I'd like to introduce you to my brother James" , "Mr. Walton, I'd like to introduce you to Ms. Pierson my administrative assistant", "Emily, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Henry".
• In casual non formal settings, use a persons full name when introducing. Ex." Emily, this is William Joseph. William this is Emily Adams", and in formal settings (VIP events, galas, work parties, fundraisers, etc) use courtesy titles and last names when making introductions. Ex."Dr. Jones, I'd like to introduce you to my co-worker, Mary Smith".
• When introducing family members who share your last name, use only their first names when making introductions. Ex. " Please allow me to introduce my Husband, Jack, our children, Emma and John".

After introductions have been made, a simple " Pleasure to meet you" or "It's nice to meet you" will suffice. Don't call someone a nickname, for example if someone is introduced as Charles do not call them Charlie unless they prompt you to do so. Also, when shaking hands, have a firm handshake not a limp handshake nor an over exaggerated handshake. Up  and down three times it perfectly acceptable. 

All in all, just make the effort to recognize others with courtesy, it shows respect and if you sincerely forget a persons name, it is ok to ask them. 

Anyone can be polite to a king. It takes a gentleman to be polite to a beggar

The World is a Stage, so Why Misbehave?

Hello followers,

It has been a while since my last post, the holidays and life took control as well as getting a new puppy! But, I am back and I am ready to post and write and talk about etiquette issues that I notice/d and answer questions or start a discussion based on what you observe/d.

I am having a lazy afternoon watching Metropolitan. I first saw this movie at the Ritz in Philadelphia when I was just a young girl. I highly recommend the film. Description .... (Writer-director Whit Stillman's witty comedy of manners (which won an Independent Spirit Award for Best First Feature) pokes gentle fun at a group of upper-class Manhattan preppies who gather regularly to play bridge and engage in intellectual discussion. Led by acerbic cynic Nick (Christopher Eigeman), the coterie adopts "proletariat" Tom Townsend (Edward Clements), who has reservations about his new socialite friends and what they represent.)

After watching this film and then reflecting on some of the behavior that I have noticed of people in their thirties, I complied a list of things that are just not acceptable after a certain age.We have strayed from sitting around with our contemporaries and having in depth conversations about ethics, art, literature or philosophy. I am seeing individuals in their thirties who are holding on so tightly to their twenties and the behavior of their twenties....and I am also viewing this behavior of people who are much older, there has been a shift and I wonder if it is because people are afraid of growing up and getting older?  Maybe I am too old school and I expect more? 

 So here is my bakers dozen...please add to the list!

1. Calling someone "dude"
2. Using the terms "sweet" or "nice" when asked for your opinion
3.  Not having a tidy or clean living space, that means clean toilets, sink and not dirty dishes left in the sink
4.  Profanity , yes we all use it but we do not need to overuse it, there are so many beautiful words in our language that we can use to express ourselves 
5. Bottles of empty booze as decoration 
6. Posters or stickers as decoration 
7.  Wearing teenagers clothes or shopping in those stores for you wardrobe 
8. Posting pics of you being "trashed" or talking about how trashed you were and to follow up on that, no keg stands
9. Not owning a proper overcoat, dress shoes or suit - this holds true for both men and women
10.  Body noises of any kind, excuse yourself if need be
11. Not having table manners
12. Gossip
13. Not having personal and professional career goals of any kind

As we enter the world from young sophomoric adults and evolve and emerge into adults with jobs , there are certain roles and responsibilities that come along with that. I am not saying we can not have fun or be silly or have a childlike nature, I am just saying that after a certain age, one must grow up and become a respectable, ethically sound,morally cognizant and responsible  contributor to society. 

Be well my dear friends, happy New Year and may all of our dreams come true!!!

Halloween Costumes in the Workplace

It is that creepy time of the year, filled with witches, ghosts and goblins.....and loads of CANDY!!!!

This is a wonderful article that I just had to share with you all about Halloween Etiquette and dressing up in costume at the workplace...what does your costume say about you? Are others going to have a different perception of you, do you want them to view you differently? Will your costume choice offend anyone?

I am off to make up some goodies for the kids who dare to trek down my dark spooky road !

!http://msn.careerbuilder.com/Article/MSN-2809-Workplace-Issues-How-to-dress-up-for-Halloween-at-work-without-losing-your-credibility/?SiteId=cbmsnhp42809&sc_extcmp=JS_2809_home1&gt1=23000

Tara Anne

Money Money Money

Hi readers!

Sorry I have not been writing recently, so much has been going on! I recently had a terrific weekend with my boyfriend, his sister and his brother-in-law...hosting guests is as much fun as being a guest!


This past weekend I needed to take out some cash from the bank in the city...and I was waiting in line at a very busy ATM observing others getting cash and I noticed little things that I thought I needed to write about. Things I never took into consideration before, but since we all frequent the ATM I thought I should write about it : )

Consider this blog to be about proper manners and tips when at the ATM.

• Be Quick- This tip is really geared toward winter when your teeth are chattering and your hands are cold, get your card ready, know the amount you want to take out, and do not linger. The person behind you is just as cold and taking your good ol' time at the machine is not appreciated. In general if you are stopping at the ATM to withdrawal money it really is not the time to check balances on all your accounts or make numerous deposits. This is not the time to be a Vanderbilt and move money around : ) If you have multiple  transactions go into the bank when it is open . Plus going inside is fun, you might get a free pen or a lollipop (huge fans of the Dum Dum pops).
• Stand in a neat line - Why is it so difficult for people to form a neat and orderly line? Do not block crosswalks, pavements or doors. Passerby's will only get aggravated, let us be courteous to those all around us. 
• This is my dance space and that is your dance space - Give the person using the ATM room. If they can feel your breath on their neck you are way too close! Respect a persons privacy and space.
• Don't toss your statement - Take your receipt with you, or tear it up into little pieces and trash it, do not, I repeat DO NOT crumble it up and leave it on or next to the machine. You are making yourself vulnerable to identity thieves. 
• Don't flaunt or announce how much cash you took out. 
• Don' forget to take your card back and if you see another persons card in the machine, turn it into the bank.
• Put your cash away and then step away from the machine. 

It is simple little things that make life easy. Something as simple as taking money out of the ATM requires tact and mannerly conduct and makes for a civilized society.

And by the way, Happy Spending!!!

Tara


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Be My Guest!

Hello my readers : )

I had a lovely fall weekend in PA. I went to visit a dear friend for an overnight stay and to meet the special lady in his life. We spent the day at Longwood Gardens and had dinner at the Fair Hill Inn. This dear friend and I are more like family than friends. So Saturday morning my special guy and I packed up the car and went on a road trip to be house guests.

With the holidays approaching, I know, I can not believe it either, many of you may be guests of family or friends. We must all learn to be good house guests, because frankly we are seriously messing up someones routine when we come to stay with them....think about all the running around you have done when you have had guests come to stay, all the preparation involved, the cleaning, planning an outing or the agenda, PHEW, I'm exhausted just writing about it! We are all creatures of habit and have our own ways of how we do things and how we like them done...so when we are a guest we must keep that in mind. We must remember we are entering into a different home, a different way of doing things, we must adapt and leave our habits at home.

As a guest we have duties to uphold, we must allow our actions and our demeanor to be persuasive enough that our host, be it family or friend, finds us a nice distraction from their everyday life rather than a pain in the (insert your word here). It is always nice to be invited to come visit again.

Regardless if you are an overnight guest, vacationing at a friends winter/summer home, or staying with someone for an extended period of time, there are basic guidelines to follow.

Some rules to being a good guest:

No surprise visits
Ask if you can bring your pet and if you do, clean up after you pet
Notify your hosts when you will be arriving
Bring a gift (wine, flowers, baked good, a nice candle)
Unpack your bags and place them where you will be sleeping
Ask to strip the bed when you leave
Tidy up the bedroom and bathroom
Ask to help clean up dishes, sitting room etc
Send a thank you card when you get home
Reciprocate with an invitation to stay at your home

The most important rule to remember is to know when it is time to leave : ) I adore my friends and family and I love when they visit me in the summer since I live at the beach, but I am also happy when they depart. As a guest it is important to know when the visit must end. No matter how charming, witty, funny and lovely you think you are, you may also get annoying and boring after too much time in another persons home and space. A cognizant guest will stay no longer that what is necessary. Example, this past Sunday the four of us went to brunch and back to the house, when we got back to the house I packed up, thanked my host for a wonderful weekend of catching up, dinner and adventures, then I bid them adieu. I knew my host had plans later in the day and I did not want to overstay my welcome.... although I have to admit we are all excited to plan another weekend soon!

Also try not to take up too much room when you are a guest, don't litter the bathroom with your towels, bathrobe, cosmetics and toiletries. Do not leave your shoes, purse, briefcase or jacket lying around. Put your empty glasses in the kitchen and wash them.


Adieu,
Tara

A guest has not to thank the host, but the host the guest”
Russian Proverb quotes

Lady in Red

Good evening my fellow ladies!

When I was dressing yesterday morning I discovered a new way to see what I own in my closet...let me rant for a moment : ) I have a double door closet that yearns and dreams of being a California Closet. It is stuffed to the gills with end of summer/early fall clothes and then I have the attic for winter clothes, dresses and pieces I do not wear all the time and do not let me fail to mention the shoes and purses stuffed in various locations throughout my bedroom....Phew! Ok, so here is the new trick to getting dressed. Lay on the floor of your closet and look up at your clothes...WAIT before you tell me I am silly, it totally works!

I get "wardrobe block" .... sometimes it all looks the same or I just feel like I have worn it a thousand times, and I KNOW you KNOW what I mean. So, as a lady trying to save money and live on a budget I decided to fall in love with my clothes again, but I needed a different viewpoint and approach. Voila! Laying on the floor and looking up, now I have a new perspective and I can see what I own and start piecing items together, and if I may brag, the last two days my outfits have been really cute : ) I put items together that I normally would not have and the outfits were simple, chic and totally casual lady-like, perfect for work and after work activities.

Monday:
Black Kitten Heels
Gray A-Line Skirt
Black Belt with a funky silver belt buckle
Black Shell with a Bow at the neck
Black Cardigan tossed over my shoulders
Silver Studs
Watch
Silver Bangles

Tuesday:
Brown Suede Mules
Raspberry A-Line Cord Skirt
Tan Shell
Tan Sweater with Ruffles down the front
Diamond Studs
Watch
Gold Necklace with a "T" Charm

I love clothes but I feel like I look at the items as a uniform and do not explore mixing patterns, textures, colors or dressy with casual. Well the past two days I have broken out of my mold for dressing.

Another little tip, look at magazines and clip out pictures of outfits you like and post them in a look book or in your closet for inspiration, I bet you have all the staples and can make a similar outfit like one that you like in the fashion magazine.

Now I open the blogging world up to you to give us an outfit idea or items that you put together that look great....us ladies can always use another ladies advice!

Happy dressing!!!
Tara

Manners at work

Good evening my readers : )

I wanted to write to you tonight but I fear I may be lacking a certain enthusiastic zeal, I seem to be fighting off a cold that I acquired at work (workplaces are HUGE germ centers)! Remember to take Vit C, wash your hands frequently and Lysol your phone and keyboard : )

Many of us lovely ladies are rising in the ranks in the workplace, we are seeking higher educational degrees and going for the gold. Nothing is holding us back...or is it? Could our personal manners at work be approved upon?

Many of us work alongside men and we may at times try to fit in by telling a joke or participating in a conversation about sports,music, travel or the recent blockbuster hit, but let us also remember we are ladies first and foremost and that crude jokes are inappropriate as well as fowl language. It is ok to be feminine and still play in the big league with an all male team. We can bat a thousand wearing skirts, stilettos, pink lip gloss all while sporting a demure demeanor as our uniform on the field.

Here is a small list of bad manners that should never be displayed in the workplace:

1. Bad Language (four letter words are a BIG no no)
2. Gossiping...this habit does not help you bond with co-workers, it makes you look bad, jealous and catty and your boss may wonder what you say about him/her or about your clients
3.Drinking on the job, this includes work lunches and work parties (drinking makes you loosen up and who knows what you may say or how you may act, stick to club soda with a lemon slice)
4.Leaving the office without telling anyone - stop by your supervisors desk, a co-workers or your boss and just say a polite goodnight, if they are out of the office or unavailable shoot them a quick email
5. Discussing your clients info outside of the office - this is a breach of trust and you are sharing personal business info that maybe be confidential
6.Taking personal calls - once in a while this is ok, but a constant stream of personal calls is not good, save a personal call for an emergency and ask first, do not abuse the privilege
7. Divulging too much personal information - the workplace does not need to know about your personal relationships, drama at home, fights with your children etc, leave it at the door

This is just a small list of things that I have encountered or experienced...this list could go on and on. It is important that we keep our personal self and our personal life outside of the workplace and when we are in the workplace it is important to carry ourselves with manners and proper workplace etiquette. We get too chummy at work and sometimes forget our place. You can be friendly and social, but keep in mind that your boss may be observing you and first impressions are not the only impressions that count.

A great resource for this information is the Ladders.com. The Ladders offers a wide array of services, job offerings, resume writing services and business tips for the executive.

Also companies should look into Corporate Civility for their employees, managers and department heads. This is a service that I can provide more information on if anyone reading this has an interest. This can be constructed as an on-site lecture or training or a manual can be written for a specific industry and department.

Be well my dear readers : )

Tara

The Well Crafted Letter

In this world of texting, emailing and facebooking it is refreshing to receive a card or handwritten letter in the mail. This little gesture conveys so much....a person was thinking of you and took the time out of their day to sit down and craft a message to you. It shows respect.

How many times have you gotten a "thank you" email or an "evite"? Electronic communication is acceptable for short notes.

Do not get me wrong,I love that I can get in contact quickly with friends and family members via a text, i.m or email, but there are times that a lady needs to sit down and craft a message. And let us not forget the fun of shopping for stationary and cards!!! I just purchased this set. I have a box filled with cards, paper, notes cards and postcards.

So here we go.....if one is to write a nice letter one needs to be prepared : )

Supplies:
Cards (thank you, invites, birthday etc) ** choose cards that are appropriate to the event or person**
Good quality paper (off white is my fav)
Monogrammed stationary
Nice pen --- I like the Sharpie thin marker pens
Stamps-the post office has so many pretty ones
Return address lables

Things to NOT put in your/on cards, notes or envelops:
Confetti - such a mess
Stickers - cute when you are 5 but not as an adult
Tape - tacky

One important piece of advice, send a thank you card at least 48hours after receiving a gift or having been hosted at an event or having been a house-guest. This way the gift and the visit are still fresh in your mind.

Types of notes/letters that can be written:
1. Thank you note
        Gift (bridal & baby shower, engagement & wedding, birthday, anniversary)
        Monetary Gift
        House Guest
2. Condolence
3. RSVP (if you can not attend)
4. Leaving for an extended period of time (job transfer, traveling overseas for months on end, semester abroad)
5. The Dear (insert name) Letter a.k.a "The Break-Up Letter"
6. Letter to a friend just because

I recently sent a card to someone and they sent one in return and it was such a lovely surprise to get ...when I checked my mail and saw the yellow envelope I could not wait to go sit down and open the card. They stated in the card how nice it was for them to have gotten my card and that is was a lost art corresponding to each other.

Something is lost we when are in such a rush to hit send on an email or send a text, in our haste and sense for expediency something is lost... personal touch is lost. A well crafted note, letter or card is a gift we give someone, so let us all start sending each other gifts!

Happy writing my friends : )
Tara

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

These three phrases have become so commonplace when we are addressing each other:

1. Like
2. Ummm
3. You Know

Communication is a way to convey information, a feeling or an idea. In this world of LOL's, BRB's and OMG's and other computer mediated language it is no wonder we have come to accept brevity in our thoughts and in how we communicate to each other face-to-face and over the phone. I am guilty of using the above phrases on more than one occasion and frankly it is laziness, it only takes a second more to find the right word to get your message across.

Listen to the great speeches of Dr. Martin Luther King, or read the wonderful poetry of Emily Dickinson and see what words and language and well thought out sentences sound like.....music to the ears : )

1. The word "like" is filler when one does not know how to accurately describe something and it has made its way into  too many conversations .  "He is like really interesting" - well is he interesting or not? Like requires a similarity to something else such as the candy was tart like an apple. Like is a reference point that links one thing to another.

2. Ummm - again filler when one does not know what to say. "The party was ummm so much fun, it was like filled with ummm interesting people" Ummm is a sound, not really a word.

3. You know - nope I do not unless you tell me about it. "That party was umm you know so much fun umm it was like filled with interesting people you know"...so is it a question or a statement and NO I do not know.

How about " The party was really a great time, it had an assorted crowd of guests that were really interesting to speak with" , now we have a statement and clarity.

So I have made a commitment to delete these words from my daily vernacular in order to clearly communicate and express myself, it will take a moment more but at least the receiver will understand what I am talking about.

What phrases or fillers do people you know use? Let us compile a list.

Tara

Attending a charity event, launch, premiere or VIP event

How to behave.....

I frequently have to attend charity events, VIP events,fundraiser, art opening ,product launches and the like in my line of work. When attending such events as a guest who was invited or hosting the event for work it is imperative to attend with a sense of panache so when you leave and everyone talks about the event the next day at the water cooler they NEVER say "Geez she was such a hot mess"...in this case bad personal public relations is not good public relations!

Here are a few of my tips

Don't:

Be fashionable late

Show up with an entourage - you and guest means just that

Drink too much

Don't wear anything too loud--subtle patterns and colors are just fine

Douse yourself with perfume

If a celebrity is in attendance, do not become a stalker and a crazed fan

Tell crude jokes

Leave during speeches unless it is an emergency

Talk during speeches

Take more than one gift bag

Be the last to leave

Do:

RSVP on time

Dress up, cocktail attire and or business attire are fine unless black-tie is noted on the invite

Limit comments and become a good listener

Congratulate the winner, honoree etc

Some of these events are professional in nature and you should treat them that way. You are encouraged to mingle and network, but this is not the time for a sales pitch, take the persons card and follow up a few days later with a nice email or card.

Many times I have had to go straight to an event from work. Give yourself about 20 mins of prep time to freshen up. Always have a small bag of supplies in your work satchel.

• Toothpaste and toothbrush
• Deodorant
• Hair Brush
• Loose face powder or oil absorbing tissue
• Mascara
• Lip Gloss

After brushing your teeth, fluffing your hair and touching up your face, you will feel revived and ready to go. Take a deep breath....and switch from work mode to event mode...leave work at the door. You want to have fresh energy when you arrive and not get to the event and unleash your work day on other guests.

Remember the well manner lady who handles herself with grace andcharm gets invited to more parties : )